Gluttony's Bedtime Story
by DarkSoccerKnight7012
Summary: Oneshot. Lust, Gluttony, and Envy spend the night at the hotel from hell...much to Envy's dismay. But before Gluttony can fall asleep, Lust has to tell him a bedtime story...Let's just say Envy won't be happy. Read and Review, please!


1**A/N: **Well, welcome to my first Fullmetal Alchemist fanfic. As the summary says, this is a one-shot. That's because I didn't want to make it a long, drug-out story. Unfortunately, I am not a hyper-religious FMA fanboy. As much I would like to be, with limited funds and no Cartoon Network, it's difficult to follow the show's every plot twist and turn. That said, however, I do read the manga, and I have seen several of the DVDs, so I think I have the characters, well, in character, sufficiently. Any errors in plot, or others, can be blamed on my lack of specific knowledge.

Anyway, I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, nor any of the 7 Deadly Sins (those are in the Bible, FYI.) Those are owned by Viz Media, Square Enix, BONES studio, Hiromu Arakawa, and any number of other people that deserve far more credit than me.

(**DIVIDER!)**

**Gluttony's Bedtime Story,**

**A Fullmetal Alchemist Tale...**

"Me no like this room, Lust!"

"For once, I'm with slobberface. I would have hoped you could have gotten us better accommodations for this excursion. The wallpaper is even less appetizing than the thought of that Fullmetal pipsqueak being hot on our trail."

"Food!"

"Shut up, you fool!"

"QUIET!"

The bickering homunculi both turned to face Lust, who was standing in the crooked doorway of their room at the local inn–they couldn't care less about the name. At the moment, they were on the run from Edward Elric–the aforementioned "Fullmetal pipsqueak"–and his tin can of a brother, Alphonse, and they had been forced to spend the night in a nearby town, much to the anger of Envy, who insisted that she could run for the next week without needing a rest.

"Now," Lust said coolly, brushing a hand idly through her hair, "let's not get into a fight so early, shall we? Whether we like it or not–"

"I don't," Envy interrupted.

"_Whether we like it or not_, we really should stop. At the very least, perhaps Fullmetal and his brother will overrun us and give us the advantage." She looked around for sympathy, but all she got was an open, drooling mouth and an old woman's frown.

"Your optimism sickens me," Envy muttered, walking over and sitting down on a bed–and nearly falling through the mattress. "Sometimes I wonder whether you're really a Homunculus or not."

"Do you really need to see the proof?" Lust asked, her hand moving to the zipper on the neck of her extremely tight-fitting black leather dress.

"Gods, no! You're already popping out of that thing as it is!"

"Then don't insult me again." With that, Lust sat down in a nearby chair, only to have it collapse on her.

Envy snickered. "Too fat for the chair, hmm? Maybe you should alchemy away your boobs. That would take a good fifty pounds off–" she barely had time to duck before Lust's middle finger stabbed into the wall where her head had been not seconds ago.

"What was that for?"

"I told you not to insult me again. You know, we don't have to assist you in this little venture. I'd be perfectly happy to allow Gluttony to eat you.

Gluttony looked up at Lust, offended. "Old lady taste bad, Lust. Me no want to eat her."

"Why you little–I'm gonna kill you!" Envy's feet shot out from behind her and swung around, straight for Gluttony's head...

...Until he stuck out his tongue, at which point Envy's foot stopped dead, just inches away from his mouth.

"You wouldn't dare," she breathed.

Gluttony shrugged, allowing his tongue to retreat into his gigantic mouth. He sniffed. "Even your old lady feet stink."

Envy promptly slapped him on the back of his head, a karate chop that sent him flying into the wall beside where Lust was resting against the wall. He slammed into it, and cracks spidered their way up the wall and across the ceiling, dislodging chunks of plaster that rained down in the room like huge snowflakes.

Lust glared disapprovingly at Envy. "He didn't deserve that, you know."

"He insulted me."

"No, he told the truth. Your feet do stink."

Envy threw up her hands, exasperated with both of them. "I give up!" She lay back on the bed, causing a spring to shoot out of the mattress, bounce of the ceiling, and clatter to the floor next to Gluttony, who picked it up, glanced at it hungrily, and stuck it in his mouth.

Envy stared at him in disgust. "Do you ever stop eating, dimwit?"

Gluttony only chomped on the spring for a second, then swallowed, a huge smile widening across his face. "Yummy!" Then, glancing uneasily at the ground, he added, "Thanks for snack, Envy," in a soft voice.

Lust patted him on the head. "Good boy, Gluttony. You see, Envy, I do try to teach him manners. He just gets carried away sometimes."

Envy merely snorted and rolled over.

Lust shrugged. "It's okay, Gluttony. She'll thank us one day for our help." Envy attempted to interrupt her with another indignant cough, but Lust ignored her. "Do you know what time it is, Gluttony?"

He frowned and scratched his head, obviously trying hard to concentrate. Finally, he answered, "Snack time?"

Envy cackled, but was immediately silenced when one of Lust's fingers stabbed through her right arm.

"Do try to control yourself, my dear," Lust said smoothly. "Unlike Maes Hughes, I know how to truly kill you. Do not make me contemplate utilizing this knowledge."

"...F-fine," Envy finally whispered through clenched teeth.

Lust nodded, withdrawing her finger from Envy's arm. Then, without even looking, another finger shot out in front of Gluttony, standing centimeters from the point right between his eyes. "Think before you lick, darling. Those are my fingers, and I have to say, I've grown rather attached to them despite myself. It'd be a shame to lose them now."

Gluttony, needless to say, was not paying much attention to what Lust was saying. Instead, he was enjoying staring, cross-eyed, at Lust's hovering finger–enjoying it so much, in fact, that he grew dizzy and fell over from staring at it too long.

Lust prepared to shoot a finger at Envy, but miraculously, the bad-tempered Homunculus didn't make a peep. Sighing with relief, she knelt down beside Gluttony's huge girth and smacked his cheeks a few times. "Gluttony, dearest, wake up. Now's not the time to be falling asleep."

"Why...not...?" Gluttony asked woozily.

"Because, my dear. I haven't told you a bedtime story yet."

"WHAT!" Envy nearly shot out of bed. As it was, she hit her head on the ceiling and crashed back onto the bed, falling straight through the mattress and cracking her butt on the floor.

"Are you okay, Envy dearest?"

"Never you mind!" Envy said, rubbing her backside, grimacing. "What I wanna know is...is what you said before."

"You mean, when I asked if you were okay?"

"No! Before that, boobs for brains!"

Lust looked injured. "I'm hurt, Envy."

"You didn't say that!" she hissed.

"I'm saying it now! I don't have boobs for brains!"

"Never mind that! What did you say before that–and the other thing!"

"Bedtime story!" Gluttony chimed in, right on cue–though he had said that just because it was the last part of the conversation his dim mind had been able to follow.

Lust sighed. "Yes, Gluttony. It's time for your bedtime story."

"A _bedtime story_?" Envy asked bemusedly as she watched Gluttony climb into bed and gather the scratchy covers around himself. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, but I am, darling! I always tell Gluttony a bedtime story, don't I?"

"Bedtime story!" Gluttony agreed, staring up at Lust with the affection he usually reserved for his next meal. "Tell me bedtime story, Lust! Pleeeeease?"

"Wow," Envy whispered, actually shocked. "The butterball does have manners. Amazing."

Lust nodded, acknowledging Envy's thanks, and tucked Gluttony into bed. Then, sitting on the mattress beside him, she asked, "What story shall I tell tonight?"

"How about the one about the old woman and the two idiots that follow her around everywhere?" Envy tried. Her answer came in the form of a finger to the leg.

Gluttony glared at her from under the covers. Then, turning to Lust with doe-like innocence in his eyes, he whispered, "Tell Lust and Gluttony story?"

Lust smiled. "I told that one last time, honey. How about a different one?"

He shook his mammoth head emphatically. "No. I want to hear that one!"

"All right, all right. I'll tell you the story." Lust took a deep breath, then began.

_...Long, long ago, in a land far, far away, there lived two people named Lust and Gluttony. They were brother and sister, and they loved each other very much. They did everything together, and they were never apart._

_One day, they decided to have a picnic in the forest, so Lust packed a picnic basket, making sure that Gluttony didn't eat it all before they arrived at their special spot. Then they walked into the forest and sat down in a clearing to have their picnic. As usual, Lust was lucky to get a sandwich before Gluttony devoured the entire meal, including the picnic basket. And, as usual, Lust admonished him, "Gluttony, dearest...what have I told you? Wipe your mouth after you eat." And, like a good little brother, Gluttony did as he was told._

_After the picnic, Gluttony asked Lust if they could go deeper into the woods. She answered, "Certainly, darling," and so they began to venture into the woods. Every now and again, Lust would draw arrows in the dirt with her super-sharp fingers, so that they could find their way back to the clearing again._

_Suddenly, a cute little girl showed up in their path._

_"Hello," Lust said sweetly. "And who might you be, my dear?"_

_"I'm Envy!" the little girl said, smiling toothily._

_"You pretty," Gluttony added, blushing sheepishly._

_The girl smiled. "Would you like to see something magical?"_

_Lust started to say no, but she looked at Gluttony, and his eyes told her that she couldn't say no. "I suppose we could go see this thing," she said finally._

_The girl smiled again. "Come along, then!" _

_And so they followed the little girl. Because she was going so fast, Lust neglected to mark their trail, but since Gluttony was panting so hard, with his tongue sticking out of his mouth, such marking really wasn't necessary, as their was a wide trench behind them where Gluttony's tongue had dragged on the ground._

_Suddenly, the girl shouted, "Here it is!" Lust and Glutton y gasped as they saw a gigantic red stone hovering above the ground, with burning rune marks surrounding it._

_"It's so pretty," Lust said._

_"Prettier than Envy," Gluttony agreed._

_Unforunately, Envy heard him say this, and grew enraged. In a fit of anger, she returned to her true form, an old hag, and knocked both Envy and Gluttony into next week with one fell roundhouse kick._

_...When next they awoke, they were caged, tied, and gagged inside a dark room._

_"Mmmph euumph mmphm!" Gluttony said._

_"Emmmph mmmphegm mmph!" Lust agreed solemnly._

_Then, a crack of light appeared, and the old lady appeared before them. _

_"Listen, fools!" she demanded. "I won't let you out unless you help me search for the really big version of that stone you saw, okay?"_

_Lust nodded eagerly._

_"Mmmmph!" Gluttony agreed, nodding eagerly._

_"Excellent!" the old crone said with a cackle, and untied Lust. Then, as soon as she took the gag from Gluttony's mouth, his mouth opened wide, and he bit the old woman in half, swallowing in one gulp. Then he ate the bottom half of the old woman. He burped and looked at Lust._

_"Old lady taste nasty."_

_Lust nodded. "What have I always told you, Gluttony? Wipe your mouth after you eat."_

Lust opened her eyes slowly–she had closed them as she fondly imagined the events of her story–and glanced at Gluttony. He was snoring like a tranquilized Chimera, with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, disintegrating a bit of the sheets every time it touched them.

"I'm not sure whether I should be appalled, angry, or flattered," Envy said.

Lust turned to her. "Flatter yourself, darling. Every old lady needs a little flattery in their lives."

Envy's lips–which had been turned up slightly in an uncharacteristic smile-ish thing–instantly returned to their normal position, firmly set into a frown. "Shut up, cleavage queen."

"At least I have boobs," Lust retaliated with an easy smile. Then she gracefully got up and went to the door.

"Hold up a moment!" Envy shouted. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to the mayor's residence. As his one-time mistress, I'm sure I'll find much better accommodations there."

"What!" Envy jumped and ran to the door, but Lust nonchalantly pointed one of her fingers at Envy's heart, which stopped her in her tracks.

"As I said before, don't make me use my knowledge of how to kill you. It would be such a shame to make Gluttony clean up the mess it would cause."

Envy thought to retort, but decided against it. Instead, though her teeth were clenched, she whispered, "What gives you the right to leave me with inhuman-garbage-disposal over there while you go sleep in a five-star bed with servants and several maids?"

Lust thought for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose you could say it's just an advantage of having boobs." With an easy smile, she retracted her finger from over Envy's heart and stepped out of the room, shutting the door soundlessly behind her, leaving Envy looking on in utter astonishment.

She touched her chest. It was all muscle. In the dim light, for the first time in ages, she thought, "Maybe I should grow some..."


End file.
